


Emotions in Eustachia

by sneakyroguethief



Series: Adventures in Eustachia [2]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Eustachia, Feels, High Fantasy, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-11-01 17:22:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17871551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sneakyroguethief/pseuds/sneakyroguethief
Summary: Sorting out those intense feels for Naizeth.  She struggles to speak most of the time, but her mind is going a thousand miles a minute.





	1. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naizeth deals with her feelings after a close member of her party confesses his affections for her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does contain minor spoilers, nothing explicit, but it's there

As Naizeth curled up to sleep, she couldn’t shake the strange feeling that lingered.  It wasn’t unusual for her to have trouble understanding people, but this wasn’t just caused by a language barrier.  She hadn’t understood that Tarry had seen her any other way than just like a familial person until he had confessed it to her.  She wondered if perhaps her own actions had been mistaken for something more.  Admittedly she did have a soft spot for him.  He was so young, and she had been about his age when she had escaped.  Hearing him talk about the lack of love he had received from his family certainly struck a chord with her.

She hoped that these people he had gathered could provide him with the affection he had not received previously.  They had certainly helped her.  She could feel herself growing stronger with them.  She turned Freya’s ring on her finger.  She decided she would not to take it off again.  Perhaps to ward off anyone else who might seek to confess non-familial, non-platonic affections at the very least.  But the truth of it was that she knew the day would come when she would be strong enough to stay by Freya’s side and be a partner equal to her.  She wasn’t there yet, but it was a start.

She wondered if Tarry would still want to help her with learning to speak better and if he would still want her to teach him her father’s language.  She really had no use for it otherwise.  It was simply a memory given from her mother, just like the locket around her neck.  The thought of her mother made the sadness well up in her.  It had been so long, but the grief still remained. She drew forth a stem with a cluster of small yellow buds on it from her palm.  Her magic was the only useful thing he’d given her.  It had made her useful to her clan, and it now made her useful to these people who she had come to care deeply for.  

She pocketed the sprig of wormwood and sighed.  She should be more careful with her emotions not to let them spill into her magic.  Tarry had nearly seen her brokenness on Eban, but she had managed to keep some semblance of composure.  She hadn’t expected to feel any connection other than fear with Pip, but perhaps he understood more than she had first thought.  He had such a nice family.  Naizeth really was happy for him, even though being near them had made her sad.  Victor's anger and jealousy of Pip's family had also made Naizeth sad.  There were so few things that made her angry.

But they had seen that too, hadn’t they.  Her anger.  She might have killed that boy if Tarry hadn’t stopped her.  He had grown up so fast, and yet he still had such a good heart.  Hers had died with her mother.  And being surrounded by all these good people, it only made it more obvious that she just wasn’t.  She was happy that they seemed to care for her, but she couldn’t shake the fear that if they knew her, they would think the same of her as her clan.  It had taken Freya years to convince Naizeth not to think that of herself, but on the bad days, it was so hard not to see of herself that way.

Victor had told her she didn’t need to hide, and perhaps he was right.  Except on Eban where they were not fond of her mother’s people. It was good for her to hide there.  Freya had said the same thing to her before, but Naizeth had been hiding and running for so long that she didn’t know what would happen if she just stopped.  She hoped they would all still care for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> symbolism of the wormwood: absence, bitterness, sorrow


	2. Deeper into the Volcano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naizeth's party left off at a ledge looking into the hollow of a volcano, nearing the place where they think a demon resides. (Also they found a dying illithid but no one in the party really knows what they are)

Naizeth felt strangely brave looking out over the precipice into the hollow chamber.  She wasn’t sure where this confidence was coming from, but with Tarry and Jasper feeling afraid, she knew she needed to be strong for them.  

They couldn’t see in the dark like she and Elli and Pip could.  She wondered if French and Victor were as scared.  They were not showing as many outward signs of it as Tarry and Jasper were.  She had always seen in the dark, though it had not given her any less fear for what lurked in the shadows.  They had been attacked by some such things earlier, and if they were truly on the path to meet with a demon, it was likely they would only come across worse things the further down they progressed.  Elli had been hurt, but she always seemed so brave no matter what happened. Naizeth wanted to be like that.  Maybe if she spent more time around Elli, she could learn to be less afraid.

Jasper seemed so shaken by the tentacled person they had come across earlier.  Given his terrible dreams of them, it was completely understandable.  She couldn’t let them trap him again.  It was slightly alive when they’d come across it, and it seemed that the others wished to know it better, even against Jasper’s wishes.  It was possible to know enough of it from its corpse, so Naizeth had waited and willingly let it expire.  Jasper’s mind was safer with it dead.

There was a flicker of memories, but she quickly suppressed them.  She could not let herself be distracted by things that held no relevance here.  There were more important things at stake.  Like the meteor stone that had landed in the mountain.  It put her ill at ease.  Victor had foolishly taken a sample of it directly from the source, but if it was identical to the stone Jasper had meditated on, it could only bring them misfortune.  

Perhaps it was what drew the tentacled people to Jasper in the first place, and if that was the case, then there were likely many more like it in the mountain.  Naizeth wasn’t sure what would be worse to come across, more of the tentacled people or the demon they were seeking out for Tarry.  Either way, it was sure to be dangerous, and they would all need to remain on their guard.


	3. Strange closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party winds down after bringing their original BBEG to justice

Naizeth settled down to sleep.  She had offered to take a watch, but given they were within the palace walls, most didn’t really think it necessary.  They were safe. It was an odd feeling.  So much loomed on the future for them, but for the moment, they could rest without fear, or at least the fear of being attacked.

It was weird thinking about how the person who had started them on the everything they had done so far was finally captured and going to face judgement for his actions.  How strange it had been to see him pale and captured and weak after we had hunted him for so long.  Naizeth had regretted healing him, but he would not have made the journey back had she not.  She didn’t blame Tarry for wanting to kill him.  She understood his anger and the desire for vengeance.  But she would have sooner done it herself than let him bloody his own hands, to let him hang onto that innocence for just a little bit longer.  She didn’t know what Tarry would see when he returned to his home, but from the tone of the newspaper, it wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience for him.  She just hoped that he would be able to walk away from this the same sweet boy she had met that day in David’s tavern, the boy she had come to care for like a little brother.

Victor had looked like he had wanted to say something to her before she went to sleep, but she supposed he had changed his mind to let her rest.  Perhaps he had figured out about her what she had about him.  Even with these loving and supportive people around her, if what he wanted to ask her had to do with returning to that place, her answer was never.  

Naizeth curled under her blanket and tried to push thoughts of the place she was born away.  She didn’t want anyone else to see her like that: afraid.  She was afraid of what would happen without Freya there to protect her like she had before.  Naizeth spun the ring on her finger.  Her heart yearned for Freya.  Perhaps the real reason she had kept the ring hidden was more to make this journey for herself easier.  But it wasn’t going to be easy.  Growing and changing took time and courage, and she couldn’t keep pushing down her feelings if she wanted to become stronger for Freya.  She would need to take these hard feelings as they came and hope that she could work her way through them.


	4. Dissonance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naizeth processing everything so far once entering Tarry's homeland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying something different with the first person. don't know if they'll continue to be like this, but it's just kind of how this one came out.

When we arrived, things seemed peaceful and beautiful, but the closer we got to the city, the more something felt off.  I can’t quite place it, but it feels like danger waiting beneath the surface.  I can’t shake this unease.

The farmers were quick to attack us.  How desperate must they be to resort to such violence.  We need to find the root of this problem.  From everything we have heard, the man who wanted to take Tarry home, Lord Oberon is the cause.  He seemed like a snake waiting to strike, and if the farmers are to be believed, then I am inclined to believe this initial impression.  Hasdrec did not seem to know Oberon, but it’s possible they are as good at deceiving as they are at sewing chaos.  I wonder if Oberon is also a servant of All’an.  It would explain some of the actions he has taken so far.

For Tarry’s safety, he is disguised.  I cannot be certain, but if Oberon is the one behind Tarry’s family’s disappearance, I wonder if he wanted to disappear Tarry as well.  It might be too hopeful to believe that Tarry’s family has gone into hiding rather than being taken hostage or worse.  But it is worth entertaining the hope than assuming we will find bodies if it will protect Tarry’s heart.


	5. It can always get worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naizeth's thoughts during her watch

First the farmers, then the people staring and whispering, then the burning buildings set by the city guard.  This was not a good place.  So far, the only thing that had gone decently was the bank, and they hadn’t even been able to exchange their currency due to the poor timing with which they had arrived.  

The place they were staying was a bit of a shithole, but Naizeth preferred it to a nicer place.  People stared less.  She felt less out of place.  She did still worry about the shady person that Ellie had connected with.  Ellie did not seem as concerned, but it felt unlikely that things between them were finished.  Naizeth tried not to dwell on it as the sounds of Pip’s giant elf echoed around them.

Her concerns moved to the people’s dislike of magic.  But without her magic, what use was she to the group?  What could she do if she couldn’t heal them?  What could she do if she couldn’t protect them?  She hoped they could find Tarry’s family quickly so they could leave this place all the sooner.


	6. A weird day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naizeth's introspective as the party approaches the Tempest home

It seemed strange to Naizeth that the assassin’s attack was not the most bizarre thing that had occurred that day.  She wasn’t going to say ‘I told you so’ to Elli, but the thought had crossed her mind.  She was glad she’d woken up to assist.  The man seemed to be much more intent on doing harm to Elli than her.  Naizeth had been reckless with him, but even still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d seemed all too easily frightened by her.  Was he simply a coward who could only prey on someone in their sleep?  Or was there more to this?

She was grateful to Jasper for his affinity to animals and how he managed to somehow negotiate a peace between their group and the giant squirrel.  And even after being attacked by the big one, Pip still seemed so happy to have one of the little squirrels as a companion.  Most of the group seemed fairly enamoured with the squirrel who is called Romeo.  Naizeth didn’t really understand it, but it seemed to make them happy so she supposed that was enough to make it worth taking time on.

However, the task of finding Tarry’s family was still pressing.  The closer they got to his familial home, the more she wondered what they would really find there.  And if the Tempests were indeed connected with the people who had attacked Elli in the night, were they just walking into a trap?


	7. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party almost lost Naizeth and Pip to a thrall that made them want to bury themselves alive. 150-200 townsfolk did die and the people making it happen were too powerful for us to take on and well, we all survived, but at what cost to our sanity?

Naizeth’s family was safe.  That was what mattered.

The undead were laid to rest in the only ways they had available to them.

Naizeth just felt numb.  That could have been her and Pip.  It was almost Pip.  Nothing she had done could stop him.  

Numbness gave way to fear.  She could feel the thorns emerging in her hair.  She needed to stop it, needed to control it.  She didn’t want them to see.  

Her fear. 

What if she couldn’t protect them?  What if she lost them?  She needed to do better.  She needed to be better.

This was too close.  She wanted to cry, to scream, but she squashed it down, put it away.  She couldn’t let them see. 

Her hands shook and she could feel bark growing over her skin as she fought against her panic.  Down the back of her neck, her shoulders, snagging the fabric of her blouse as it spread over her chest and arms.  

She took a deep breath and then another and another.  She felt the bark receding as she calmed.

She was fine.  Everyone was fine. This was fine.

The thorns remained, but hopefully, no one would notice.


	8. On Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naizeth attempts to cope with everything after the undead incident with the hags. We find Tarry's family and go to them and learn about a lot of things. Also, Victor got possessed by an angel after reading a book he shouldn't have.

Today was… a day.  I think I need to have another talk with Tarry.  He tried to introduce me as… I don’t know.  It was… a surprise.  I handled it… poorly.  I should probably apologise.  Perhaps I wasn’t clear.  I should try explaining in Sylvan.  Maybe he will understand me better.  It is easier for me to speak clearly.  

We took Tarry to see his family.  It didn’t seem to make him happy.  I think… perhaps he has seen too much now.  It hurts to see him in pain, but I don’t know what I can do to stop it.  I don’t know how to heal him.  It seems that we will be setting out to fight the women from the cabin who turned the people into undead and had them turn on their families.  They need Tarry’s blood to release the air titan, and I am so afraid for him.

Ever since Ellie was attacked in the night, I have been jumping at shadows.  Well, perhaps it is longer than that.  But is it really so bad to be careful?  They don’t understand.  To be fair, I haven’t told them, but I don’t think that would change things.  I don’t think they would understand.  To tell them everything… they would only see me as a monster.  I like them too much, I care for them too much to let them see.

Victor had another person in his head!  I knew his words seemed different and his face looked wrong, like someone wearing unfamiliar clothes, unsure of how to arrange them.  Perhaps he has learned to be more cautious now.  One would hope, but I think I will be realistic.  I will keep a closer eye on him so something like this doesn’t happen again.


	9. Reprieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some of the stress on Naizeth's mind is relieved

I feel much better after talking to Tarry.  It was difficult, but I think this time he understands.  I was able to be clear and firm, and I think things will be okay.  I even hugged him.  It was weird.  But people seem to do that to comfort those they care about, so I tried it.  It wasn’t awful.  Maybe I need more practice to be better at it.

The place where we slept, the Feywilds, I felt… strangely at ease there.  I felt safe.  I think I might have needed that.  I feel like I can breathe more easily again, even with the perils ahead of us.  I wonder if it is a place that I might one day consider returning to and perhaps even settling down in.

We met again with Sir Andrus.  Even with what we’ve been told, I still do not trust him.  But his information may prove useful in protecting Tarry and his family, so that is something.  I just worry about the source of his information and what greater purpose this demon might be hoping to achieve in helping us.


End file.
